What Mama won't tell you, I will

Things mama doesn't tell you will happen, but do. This is NOT as "beautiful" a process as we are led to believe.

1. Your sense of smell heightens - yes we all know this. But did you know you can smell the morning breath of ALL the people in a packed bus? Or, the smell of your sink will ALWAYS smell sour, despite the bleach. But, on a good note, it can be useful. For example, my boss thought somebody had used Lysol (not okay to do) in a classroom, and she called on my super-skills to intercede. There was no Lysol, just a smelly kid...that I found...in the next classroom.

2. Morning sickness is a VERY inappropriate and unsympathetic pregnancy symptom. Luckily, I work with children, so my bosses deal with plenty of pregnant women, and the "clientele" has either been there, or IS there. That doesn't take away the embarrassment of getting sick WHILE my boss was giving a tour right outside the bathroom door. Luckily, she's good at reading my face and talked REALLY LOUD. Later, she laughed at the irony of the situation - she was giving a tour to a pregnant lady herself.
Morning sickness isn't just "ohhh, I think I'm nauseous, gag gag - and only in the morning." No, no, it's "OOOHHHHH, I HAVE FOOD POISONING EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY - oh wait, no I don't. I'm pregnant. And I supposed to do WHAT right now? Eat every hour? Even though everything SMELLS (see above) like morning breath? Yea, it's even worse than that...without a promise of an only 24 hr bug - it's a 10 wk to 7.5 month bug. Danny had a dream the other night that he had to talk to the baby through my belly to tell the baby to stop throwing temper tantrums...I think I see the product of Danny and Jaci on our hands.

3. You will feel like you are on a Benadryl and Dramamine cocktail EVERYDAY around Noon, 3, and 7pm. Yep, just how it sounds. Try putting 12 two year old's to sleep - dark room, nap music, and this teacher begging the two year old to pat HER back to sleep. Not really, but it would be nice...

4. Any and Everybody WILL say the wrong thing - and if you can't find somebody to be annoyed with, you will shortly. I'm only 8 weeks, please stop telling me how my baby is growing and my tummy will be too - Mama Moore is definitely aware of this...no need to remind me you are taking mental belly photos for me. Or (same person) tell me how I shouldn't lift kids, because my baby isn't attached and is just floating around in my belly, and can fall out. Yea, I didn't even know what to say to that, maybe read a biology text book BEFORE offering strange, scary and untrue advice...
- two things to never talk about, a pregnant lady's body and any danger to the child...never.

5. When the Internet sites label "bloating" as an early pregnancy symptom, they don't mean, ohhhh, I think I'm a wee bit bloated. No, they mean you will have a bloat baby before the real child grows into the spot the bloat is inhabiting.

Nobody knows the reasoning behind some of these symptoms. And, evolutionarily speaking, I don't know how the human race is still around. I know my sisters liked to forget how the first trimester felt before toying with the idea of another.

The complaints I have are true, and very unexpected, but I am in no way negative about being pregnant. I never thought I could make it to this spot, and everything is a blessing. And, I like to think of the symptoms as ways my baby demands my attention before s/he can kick me in the tum tum - baby IS half Freeman, you know. And, I do know, that as soon as I see my sweet Jellybean again (on ultrasound, and especially in person) I'll forget about this part. I know it is all worth it, but ladies, NEVER think you are prepared for your body to take a mind of its own in pregnancy.