Mama Love

I'm a little late on the whole "Mother's Day" thing, and I'm sorry.  It's a little crazy on our front, finding a new place, moving, you know, the works.  So, give me grace.  
Mother's day was great.  After presents (that Ruthie told me about the day before...lil' booger's on my team) church and nap, we hopped on a ferry to Bainbridge.  Ruthie about flipped her lid over the ferry ride.  She thinks that they are literally Daddy's boat, so we go with it.  It was an awesome mother's day. 

Here she is a bit confused, Daddy's boat is leaving, but we are still on Daddy's boat...hard concept.

Hmmmm...I'll get it, in time, I'll understand

We had dinner in front of the water

Over saturated, but I love it

Being a mom to that girl, and a wife to that man is amazing.  Since having Ruthie, I feel more comfortable in my skin, I feel more comfortable in life.  It seems on appearance that I let being a mommy change my life, that it's top in my heart.  I see it as more as something I prayed for, and the Lord blessed me.  He used this blessing to mold my heart and life.  He changed my life with my family.  
I'm not going to lie, as a mom, it's hard to not put my family first.  I would say it has to be a natural struggle for moms.  The love that we feel towards our kids is intense.  It is biological, and when I first experienced it with Ruthie, it shocked me.  When they say "Mama Bear," they mean it.  He designed this love, and He wants us to experience it.  It's a new insight into His love for us, but He also wants us to love Him even more.  It gave me a new bar to clear in terms of loving Him - a new standard to achieve.  Since getting married, and then having Ruthie (and that mama love that comes with it,) I see how easy it is to love things (that we are designed to love) more than Him.  Striving to love Him even more has brought me closer to Him as ever.  This is why having Ruthie has changed me, given me insight into His heart, and has drawn me even closer to Him.  It's not easy, but it's amazing.  
This is also why I pray to give her back to the Lord.  I sincerely pray that she desires to honor Him above all, even above Danny and I.  We're human, there will be times we give her advice that goes against His will.  I pray that she ignores this advice, and goes with His will.  And though a part of me (a very enmeshed part - that will need major family therapy if I indulge in this way of parenting) wants her to love us the most, I truly desire her to love the Lord more than me, much much more.
Maybe not many moms feel this way, maybe I am sincerely crazy, probably maybe.  But, I love my kid.  Her fits challenge me, and her smiles melt me.  Being her mom has drawn Danny and I together on a new level.  We are not just looking towards each other, but we are joining even closer as a team to parent.  It's such a refining process, and through each step, I can't help but be thankful.  So, having her has changed my insight into His heart, my love for Him, and has refined my marriage even more.  
When I look at it this way, I can't help but stand in the middle of the Target checkout, with a tired child, too close to nap time, alternating between flailing on the floor and trying to climb into the cart screaming for some random princess toy they skillfully place next to the checkout line, knowing all parties are too tired to say no to such things (thank you, Target,) and say thank you, Lord, for letting me experience this.  No, it's not always unicorns and rainbow fun (as this "thank you moment" has only happened once.  The rest of the time it's more of a "I'm in tears.  I wonder how much a ticket to Hawaii costs right now, this instant, and how quickly can someone come out to watch her,") but it's always a blessing, in some way or another.     
I love my kid, I love my husband, and as much as I love them, above all, they refine me.