When deciding on a boy name (full disclosure, this name was chosen circa 2009,) we really wanted an "y/ie" name to go with the rest of the family. But, more importantly, I really wanted to find a name that meant something. Knowing our story and struggle, and also with full awareness of many women's struggle to even get pregnant/adopt and start a family, I had full knowledge that no child is promised to me. Any child is a complete and total gift, a picture of Grace (hence Ruthie's middle name, Anne.) Here's where it gets really sentimental and technical - I literally typed in "Gift of God" in one of the baby name search engines. At the time, we had our girl name chosen, but boy names left us bickering like the Bickersons. This happens when one is a preschool teacher and we were both raised in the 90's. (It's amazing how many boy names remind me of mullets and rat tails, THANKS A LOT, 90's.) We wanted a strong name to go with him as he grew, but not over used. I wanted an older name, and not a made up one. So, if you are still following us, here was our growing list of "must haves."
- means "gift of God"
- nickname ends in y/ie
- strong
- not common
- an older name
- not made up
- no mullet/rat tail associations
I literally sat down the night we found out we were pregnant (I'm a planner, people,) typed in "Gift of God" and went through the list with Danny. When we got to Theodore, we both stopped, thinking we loved it. Danny blurted out "Teddy! I like it!" and a first name was chosen.
The middle name was been a bit tougher. I really wanted to use my middle name (because we all know that name needs to be passed to a boy and NOT a girl,) but we long ago had decided to not name our children after family for various reasons. Also, since Theodore isn't Biblical (though it does point to our faith) we wanted a biblical name. James was chosen. It means "supplanter" which made me a bit uneasy because I couldn't put my finger on why we were choosing this name, but I knew it was the name for our future son.
While pregnant with Ruthie, the scripture we prayed over her was from 1 Samuel "I have prayed for this child and the Lord has given me what I have asked of Him, so now I give him back to the Lord..."
From the beginning of this pregnancy, I've been praying the scripture "Every good and perfect gift is from above..." James 1:17.
Now, I would have bet
If you look at the full verse, (which is so often cut down probably to fit on birth announcements easier) it fits perfectly to where the Lord has led me spiritually through the past 2 years and to where I am now, as Teddy's mom.
James 1:17
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.
It points to the theology that I've believed for years. Until these past few years, this belief has yet been put through the tumbler of my life. There is no variation in my God. Any variation, any time I feel alone, anytime I feel prayers unanswered, it's not Him, it's my view of Him. It's my misalignment with Him.
People, this brings freedom, great freedom once you wrap your head around it. Unanswered prayers aren't the result of praying wrong, or God withholding His blessings, it's because He is sovereign, and His plan reigns. If feelings of abandonment ensue, it's not because that's true, it's because of where we are with Him. Modern Christianity has made our God into a sort of genie in a bottle. Praying can be consumeristic, designed for getting exactly what we want (of course, I'm not saying we shouldn't be totally transparent and honest in our prayers.) But the real purpose of prayer? To be in communion with Him, to be in relationship with Him, and to align OUR hearts to HIS, not vice versa. This is where He gives us the desires of our hearts, because our hearts are aligned to His. We have changed Him into a sort of puppet, willing and ready to do whatever we want whenever we ask. But the ultimate Father, a perfect parent, and a sovereign God is not that. He is perfect, we are not. Though in Grace, we are far from perfect - a continual work of sanctification - and because of this, we must be in prayer and draw close to Him, not ask Him to draw close to our plans.
Of course, I am sounding very cryptic as I have yet to give you a reason WHY I've been put through said tumbler with my faith, why these past few years have changed me, and why I have a new appreciation for who God is, much more than who I am. I promise you, I will. It will just take some courage on my part, and some grace on yours.
So, short story long, that's where we got our little Teddy's name. It's perfect, and it's his. (which is why I may or may not get mama bear if someone critiques it, but hey, I put it out there.)
Update on our little man:
He's measuring big...still. My doctor suggested he may be a 10 lber if I make it to 40 weeks. Whooa buddy.
I'm having lots of contractions, which is par for course at this point. My doctors are very laid back about it due to the contractions not being time-able/getting worse, and me measuring just fine during prior ultrasounds. They are very much trusting of the body, and I'm thankful for that. It's a little bit of hippy I want in the medical world I need.
I feel bigger now than I have in my life. And, according to measurements, I AM. Ruthie measured 32 weeks when I delivered her. She was a good sized baby, she just liked to nestle into my spinal cord and make me look like a football. Ain't no thang. I was PULLING.IT.OFF. (True story: I was on bedrest, no one saw me, so we'll just say I pulled it off.) I measured 33.5 at my appointment on Wednesday (when I was 31 weeks 6 days.) Whad up! This belly's - got - back! I must say, I love having all the normal aches and pains because it means just that, "normal." Ruthie was "engaged" at 25-27 weeks (if you don't know what that means, google it.) She didn't scissor kick my ribs, cause me shortness of breath, etc. So, the fact that this guy is doing all those things makes me so thankful that my body is holding strong so far.
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