Due to an unfortunate bug, I was out of service yesterday, so today was my first day back to work this week. It is the first week of September which means...the dreaded transition week. That means three things:
1. Jealousy: I have to and get to see the kids I've had for up to a year and a half (I call them my lil' treasures) go off to an older classroom. I'm a little jealous that the new teachers get these awesome kids. Do they get how precious and amazing they are? My control freak nature takes its course and I think to myself that nobody can get them like I do, right? I have to remember that Ms. April and Mr. Aiden are in this job for the same reason I am, they love kids. So, though they might not get the amazing-ness of these kids now, they will soon. (most of my fun stories DO come from this group) And I need to remember I'm receiving 5 new treasures! And it is always fun to get to know new kids. To be brutally honest though, a part of me hates the day my old kids stop missing our room. But, I love them enough to know that they are ready and need to move on. :( sigh
2.It's a complete two's room all over again - and that means the toddler kind of two, not the kid end of the two spectrum. The reason I love the two's room so much is because between the time children turn two to when they turn three they go from toddlers to kids. I'm kinda a developmental nerd, so I just LOVE all the milestones I get to experience with them. Going from parallel to interactive play, potty training, categorizing, pretend play, using the pedals on the bikes - come on people! So fun! But this means I receive 5 toddlers. I love toddlers, don't get me wrong. But, it is quite the mind shift to leave 6 three to three and a half year olds to young twos. Talk about curriculum change! Talk about a room culture change! But on the flip side, I get to experience it all over again!
3. Lots of tears - I AM hormonal, and this means I cry 6 times on the first day compared to the 1 or 2 before. As my mom reminded me the last transition, "Jaci, you've NEVER been good at these." I know that I am always emotional during these times, but lets add on the wacky hormones Jellybean is adding, and this just means more tears than ever.
Regardless, being pregnant during this transition not only adds tears, but also a parental insight. Letting these children go is a kind of mini-reminder of how I will have to let my child go eventually. I met with a friend this weekend, and we chatted about a lot of things having to do with parenting. During this chat, she explained parenting as a continual grieving process. As soon as you get to know your little ones, you have to let them go because they have grown. I know one of my biggest challenges in parenthood is going to be letting go. Letting go means a lot of things. Sleepovers, school, sports, friends, relationships, mentors, and most of all, God. I am called to give my child back to the Lord.
This child is one that our parents have prayed for for many years, we have prayed for for all of our marriage, and I know that I have prayed for all of my life. One of the many things recovery has taught me is that I have no right to this baby. I was told multiple times how I was putting my chances of having a baby at high risk, and yet I continued on the wrong track for a long time. God gave me that terribly turbulent time for many reasons, and one is to truly realize blessings from Him in my life. Jellybean is truly a blessing - a gift given not for something we did, but despite what we have done and will do. A pure picture of His love. And I know that giving this gift back to my Lord isn't something you do once, it is a continual process.
1 Samuel 1: 27,28:
27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." And he worshiped the LORD there.
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